WiiUmad GAMERS

WiiU MAD?

Destroy All Fanboys

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Are you a fanboy? Chances are pretty high that you may have been infected with the mind altering virus known as “FB”. Fanboyism! Its deadly and can permanently ruin your gamer credibility. The symptoms include severe delusion, hypocrisy, all sorts of “Tomfoolery”, vast ignorance, and pure stupidity. If you find yourself with any one of theses symptoms contact your local gamer and have him simply slap the snot out of you! If you know someone infected with “FB” stay clear of any gaming related conversation and under no circumstance should you ever attempt to debate video games with someone infected with “FB”. It may result in you hanging yourself. Slapping the snot out of them is the only course of action. Currently three strains of the “FB” virus have been identified. The Sony, Xbox, and Nintendo strains of “FB” have been identified by the CDC and tagged as extremely dangerous. Here is a breakdown of each strain of “FB”, please read carefully and follow any instructions provided. Your gamer credibility depends on it.

MICROSOFT XBOX FANBOYS

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Known as “Xbots” by fanboys of other consoles, Xbox fanboys are probably the most delusional and self conscious of the bunch. “Xbots” are secretly depressed due to the fact that Microsoft chose to spend money and resources on the useless Kinect and bundle it with every console instead of beefing up the hardware to match their rival, Sony. “Xbots” claim that this isnt a factor due to Microsoft announcing new SDK’s and the new Directx update. “Xbots” know darn well that this will not significantly boost the consoles performance but believing so makes them feel less idiotic when they engage in the obligatory, “My console is better” pissing matches with Sony fanboys. The delusion really kicks in after Microsoft’s servers go down, effectively turning the Xbox One into a useless brick yet “Xbots” will pretend that they aren’t affected by this unfortunate mishap. Lets not forget about the “Power of the Cloud”. For “Xbots”, the “Cloud” is the Holy Grail in their war against the Son Fanboys. They believe that the “Cloud” will magically turn the Xbox One into a powerhouse console rivaling or even outperforming the Playstation 4. In the words of Shuhei Yoshida…”So stupid”.

How to fight off the “Xbot” strain: Remind Xbox fanboys that the Xbox brand is not essential or a core focus of the billion dollar giant known as Microsoft. Don’t forget to remind the “Xbots” that everything the Xbox One can do, the PS4 can do just as good and in some cases it can do it better. Like graphics. Follow that up with a slap to the face!

NINTENDO FANBOYS

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Probably the most annoying of the fanboy family, Nintendo fanboys or Wii U weirdos as they are known in some circles, can be very hypocritical. Nintendo fanboys swear they are the experts on what “true” gameplay looks like yet they will ignore gaming classics like Uncharted and Halo simply because they are not developed or published by Nintendo. If a game debuts and its visuals are mind blowing, the developers are immediately attacked and accused for being more focused on graphics than gameplay. Nintendo fanboys swear they want new games and more games from third parties but if that particular game doesn’t feature coins and mushrooms or feature the name Mario in the title then they will not buy it. One of the biggest problems of a Nintendo fanboy is that they refuse to criticise the very company they say they love. They will accept anything. Late games, no games, poor third party ports, no voice chat, a horrible online shop and an underpowered system, but as long as Nintendo president Satoru Iwata comes out and says…”Please understand” then all is forgiven. No harm no foul right?

How to fight off the Wii U Weirdo strain: Remind Nintendo fanboys that third party support is NEVER coming back to the Wii U and that their console is vastly underpowered. When Nintendo fanboys respond with…”Our games are better” then you remind them that the Wii U has been on the market for over 2 years and is just now becoming relevant. Thats sad. Follow that up with a slap to the face while wearing a Power Glove!

SONY PONIES

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Talk about arrogant and delusional. Sony fanboys are many things but they can never be accused of having common sense. Sony fanboys are affectionately called “Ponies” and probably because they act like little girls. “Ponies” only have a few words in their vocabulary similar to ancient cavemen. “Resolution…mine…better.” (Grunt) “Ponies” find themselves to be superior to other fanboys do to owning a powerful console and take pride in their company throwing shots at the competition. “Ponies” have short memories. They forget that last generation they were stupid enough to buy a $600 dollar toaster called the PS3 with its crappy online and bad Xbox 360 ports. This is significant because it shows the “Ponies” willingness to to fall for any of Sony’s lies and tactics. “Ponies” actually thought that the PS VIta would be a hit and out perform the 3DS. Yeah…Go ahead, take a minute or two to laugh about it. Oh, and dont forget that they said the same thing about the PSP. Ha, ha, ha. Anyways, “Ponies” swear that their online is just as good as Xbox accept they seem to ignore the fact that it crashes way more frequently. Oh, and the hacks. Good Lord, the hacks!

How to fight off a “Pony”: Remind them that Sony can barely afford to pay their own light bill and not to mention that Sony’s first party titles don’t sell. Also, remind them that Sony pays their employees in food stamps. No need to follow this up with a slap to the face just shoot the damn “Pony”!

Thanks For Playing

Yes, yes, I know I was a bit harsh today but I was just poking fun at the gaming fanboys. This whole fanboy vs fanboy vs fanboy war is getting ridiculous, don’t you think? Now if I offended you I apologize but just maybe you need to lighten up and stop being a fanboy. We are all gamers and we all love this industry to a degree. Lets just enjoy gaming together and respect what others game on regardless of the console of choice. Lets just have some fun and forget about resolutions, the cloud, ultra textures and all that other crap. Just enjoy your games.

Oh yeah, hey fanboys?! Wii U Mad?

brace yourself

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